


Too Much

by braytray



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Homophobia, I have no idea, M/M, Other, Parabatai, Self-Harm, this is another thing i wrote forever ago, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 11:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15435957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/braytray/pseuds/braytray
Summary: It was all too much.  Just too much.





	Too Much

**Author's Note:**

> Where does this fic land chronologically? What was Murph thinking when they wrote this? The world may never know. Also this is barely edited so have funnnnnn
> 
> WARNINGS: Self-harm, f-slur.

Alec shot arrow after arrow into the target, the dull pain in his arm freezing his mind from the thoughts that plagued him day and night. Of his parents, Valentine, and everything that had changed since Clary came to the Institute. The Institute was mostly empty, and all the people in it were asleep. So Alec kept shooting until a voice sounded behind him.

“What the hell, Alec!” A pair of hands grabbed him by the arm and spun him around forcefully. Alec found Jace there, a look of concern stamped on his _parabatai’s_ face. “Your hands,” Jace said, grabbing them in his own and turning them over. Alec’s forearm had ugly bruises all over it from shooting without the guard, and his fingertips were sliced open.  He looked over and saw his gloves on the bench by the wall. “What are you doing?" Alec still felt numb. 

“I’m sorry.” He didn't know what else to say. 

“That’s not an answer. Why are you doing this, Alec?” Jace grabbed Alec's discarded stele, activating his iratze then waited for an answer. "Please?{"

He felt too tired to lie, and the desperation in Jace's voice was overwhelming. “It’s all too much, Jace.” Alec’s voice was quieter than usual, more vulnerable. 

"What is?"

“Everything.  Mom and Dad, they seem to expect everything from me.  To fix what they 'ruined' by trying to make me get married.” Alec sighed, tugging at his hair so hard Jace thought it was going to come out.  He was clearly uncomfortable talking about _any_ of this, even with his _parabatai_. “I don’t know if I can do it anymore.” 

“Well you can’t do this to yourself,” Jace said, a horrifying thought came to his mind. “This isn’t something you do often and I haven’t noticed, right?” He pleaded with Alec, begging him to say no. Alec almost lied to his _parabatai_ and told him that no, it never went as far as hurting himself. If it had been anyone else, even Izzy, he would have just lied. He always just lied. But this was his _parabatai_. 

“No, it’s… It's happened before.” Jace thought that if his heart could break it two, it shattered into a thousand pieces. Alec kept talking, and he wanted it to stop. “I’m not like you, Jace. Sure, your father is a psychopath but at least he doesn’t insult you behind your back.  And I've heard him do it, talking to mom like I'm not just outside the door.” Jace thought of Robert, how he seemed like the civil one compared to Maryse. Not ecstatic his son was gay, but respectful. 

“What do you mean?” Alec started pacing. “He thinks I don’t hear when he calls me a fag or a traitor but when he talks it’s the only thing I can hear.” Jace feels a surge of anger. He wondered for a split second why anyone could just look past everything that made Alec amazing, and then get angry that he has a Downworlder boyfriend.  Alec turned to Jace suddenly. “But you can’t tell them I told you.” 

“Why not?” Jace demanded.  Anger replacing the concern. “I’m not going to let them sit around and trash you behind your back!” 

“Because they don’t know I know, I haven’t even told Izzy,” Alec says.

“Wait, how long has this been going on?” Jace grabs Alec’s arm to stop him from pacing. “Alec?” 

“I don’t know. A few months?” Alec hazards a guess. 

_“And you haven’t told anyone?”_ Alec pulled away from Jace and and sat on the bench.  He speaks again after a tense moment of quiet. "I'm not mad at you, Alec.  I'm mad at them."

Alec nods tensely.  "I just get scared, and then I don't know how to deal with it.  I didn't want to tell you or Izzy cause I thought you guys would do something stupid.  Magnus has enough to deal with on his own.  I just couldn't bother him with this."

Jace bumped Alec's shoulder. "He would want to support you.  I mean, I'm not one to talk about love, but you two just fit."

Alec looked down at his hands, still spotted wit blood and sighed. "I know."

"Come on.  I'm not letting you keep me up any longer."


End file.
